Authentic Leadership: Put Your Own Oxygen Mask On Before You Help Others with Theirs
Photo by @helloimnik on Unsplash
The current global state of affairs due to the coronavirus pandemic is one most of us never imagined having to face.
The risks of being isolated in a room in your own house, ill for two weeks. Social distancing from friends and family. Uncertainty about food supply chains. Schools and social establishments are closing. Small businesses at risk. The corporate world working from home.
Life has changed forever. Things will never be the same again. This is a time of transformation for everyone.
What worked before may no longer work now. We need to make a shift and adapt to the new normal.
So, what does this mean for leaders?
Why this article matters now
This article takes a look at how leaders can turn within and invest in their own self-awareness to shift their internal way of being, to set the example and experience the change they want to see in their teams during this humanitarian crisis.
This article aims to bring you relief and explain why it all starts with you.
Challenging times for leaders
As a leader with high responsibility, you're facing unprecedented pressure:
You have people looking up to you for guidance
You have senior leaders expecting you to step up
You may be surrounded by negativity and need to be positive to motivate your team
You need to reduce the cost of lost productivity from the move to remote working
If you live alone, you're dealing with a lack of human contact
If you have a partner or children, you're having to find a completely new way of life
This is a lot.
All of this is incredibly testing for anyone, but leaders have to work this out while inspiring others—and you're only human after all.
So firstly, give yourself a break. You haven't been prepared or trained to deal with this. No one has. You're doing the best you can with the resources you have right now.
Breathe in... and breathe out...
The Leadership Paradox
Leaders are faced with yet another success paradox: How do you find a balance between giving space to your team, who need to adjust, to feel seen, heard, reassured and motivated, while at the same time clarifying what's expected from them at a time when they need to dig deep and perform like never before?
The answer might surprise you: it all starts with you.
The danger of running on empty
In the past, I've been guilty of wanting to "save" others. I've learnt the hard way that if you run on empty and don't refuel, helping others will come at a great cost to you and won't be that effective for others either.
It's when we fill up our own cup that we can have positive energy to share with others without depleting ourselves.
An example of this is patience. If we're low on being patient with ourselves and don't make time for ourselves, we can use it all up on helping our team and then have no patience for other people in our lives—like our children or partner.
The new normal is only going to amplify this side effect and could have disastrous consequences on relationships at home, which in turn will impact the working environment.
Find strength in your vulnerability
We need to be the change we want to see in our teams.
By embodying our new reality and making friends with it, we can learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. By reducing self-judgement and lowering expectations, we can start to accept that we're not perfect, no superman or superwoman, own up to our own limits, and show more vulnerability.
If you ever needed an excuse to give yourself permission to put your hand up and say, "I don't know right now, I need to get back to you on this," a global pandemic seems like a pretty valid one, don't you think?
This is where I bring it back to confidence. As long as you have good intention and you can believe in yourself, then you can trust that you'll find a way. This is how you can open up to shifting into a more authentic leadership style the easy way.
Be brave enough to be yourself and find strength in your vulnerability. This is the perfect opportunity to experiment with authentic leadership.
Authentic leadership starts with self-compassion
Because it all starts with you, start by being more authentic and vulnerable with yourself.
Admit the things that have changed—that you like and that you don't like. Identify your fears and write them down to get them out of your head. Once you become more aware and admit things to yourself, it's easier to share vulnerability with others.
This self-compassion will translate into compassion for others, without trying so hard to "DO" it right. Instead, just "BE" compassionate and things will come naturally.
Give yourself a break. Lower expectations of yourself. Accept that you don't have all the answers right now.
Look after yourself first, so you can find grounding and support others from a solid place of calm. It will be easier to access patience, compassion and empathy from this state of being.
Trust yourself
Trust your intuition and lead from your heart, because there's no manual written to deal with this right now.
Find your own way of bringing your authentic self to your leadership style and see how it unfolds. Adjust accordingly. Trial and error here is a valid strategy.
By being humble and transparent, it's okay to make mistakes if your intention comes from a good place.
Be the change you want to see
So to answer the initial question of how do you find a balance between giving your team space to adjust and motivating them to perform:
I invite you to BE the change you want to see.
Reassure yourself. Motivate yourself. Make sure you are heard and seen in your personal and professional life.
By "BEING," you are "DOING" without trying so hard. This is how you create room for your own authentic leadership style to emerge more naturally.
Your Self-Reflection
• What's one way you're being hard on yourself right now that you could let go of?
• Where are you running on empty while trying to help others?
• What would it look like to "BE" the change you want to see in your team?
The purpose of this article is to reassure leaders and bring relief to the high pressure you may be experiencing right now.
Remember: you can't pour from an empty cup. Put your own oxygen mask on first.
Stay safe, stay compassionate with yourself first, then with others.
Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit The Self-Science Lab for more info.
Written by: Lauren Cartigny, Leadership Trainer, Executive Coach and Mindfulness Practitioner
Following a successful international corporate career in Sales for leading Tech firms, Lauren faced an unexpected burnout, life and health crisis. After re-building her life, transforming her career, and healing her body, heart and mind, Lauren has created transformative coaching and training programs to teach High-Performance from a place of Well-Being to prevent burnout, and employee churn in organisations.